a woman learned her husband of more than 10 years is gay. their marriage is over and she's very upset.
i don't blame her.
and she e-mailed me because, as i've shared before, my 1st husband is gay. (was gay? he's still alive. we're still friends. i think it's 'is.')
did i know?
with me, it was different than it was with her.
i fooled myself when all the signs were there and when c.i. - over elaine's objection - pulled me aside and said, 'rebecca, marry him if you want but you better grasp that he's gay.' i told c.i. that, of course, i would know if he was gay, we'd slept together and had been engaged for several months.
but i chose to ignore it and tell myself that it wasn't true.
but when i had to face the truth finally, i did and did so very quickly.
i had a day of solid crying and then i think i saw my racoon-like face. my mascara had run and i'd gone to bed without washing my face - my grandmother screamed at me about that. she came over and she was mad. 'becky, i've always told you to wash your make up off every evening. you're not a dance hall girl.' yeah, i was miss kitty on gunsmoke! i think i said that making her laugh. then i got up and went over to the bedroom mirror, saw myself with lines of mascara all over my face and just started laughing.
enough of the drama was my attitude.
enough of the drama.
and i admitted then that i'd always known on some level.
and we're very good friends, my 1st husband and i, to this day. he's great. he's republican, but he's great. he and his partner have been together for years and are talking about do-we-get-married-or-not? so far, their state (conn.) doesn't allow it. but vermont and new york do. and what they've decided is to hold off for now on the hopes that conn. may offer it soon. but i think it's 2 years they've given that.
i can not imagine being married to a bi-sexual and not knowing, the shock would be huge. (that's what my e-mail friend and i decided today, her husband was bi-sexual and now he's decided that he's actually gay.)
i wanted to write about this because while i had clues and should have known, that's not true of every woman. sometimes there are not clues. sometimes the husband may not know. sometimes he may know but think he can 'escape' it.
the point being, the shock is what you were told. and you didn't know your husband as well as you thought you did. that hurts and is scary but you are still you.
and that's what i wanted to just note here tonight.
maybe you did something awful today that you regret. that's today. you can make up for it tomorrow and it didn't change who you were.
and maybe today was especially rough for you, you are still you.
the crazy events that happen all around us may change how we see things or just stress us out but you are still you.
so learn to like yourself.
let's close with c.i's 'Iraq snapshot:'