consider this an add water post

every 1 and their dog e-mailed in to say either 'try this' or 'woof' (okay, no dogs e-mailed). i appreciate the tips but to be honest with you, i'd heard them all before. we're talking about cramping by the way. and tried them all. and yesterday elaine was full of 'do this' and 'try this' so don't think i'm saying anything about readers i wouldn't say about friends.

1 thing did actually work and it didn't come by e-mail. it came by special delivery. i called c.i. and asked, 'what is this crap?' it was preserves, organic. i don't eat preserves generally. i also don't eat raspberry preserves (or jelly). and c.i. prefers red plum preserves (and jelly). so i knew this wasn't just a gift-gift, but 1 that was supposed to 'help.'

'just try it' i was told in a patient voice. 'just try it' i was told 3 minutes later in a voice straining to be patient.

so i did. i don't like raspberries. i made some toast. spread it on the toast. took a bite. something fizzy was happening to the roof of my mouth. i noticed that right away. i wasn't as down on the taste as i thought i'd be. i went ahead and finished the toast.

within 20 minutes, i noticed the cramping was gone. i have no idea what's in it or how it worked, but the pain went from so bad i wanted to curl up in a ball and hold a pillow to my abdomen to no pain at all. that was this afternoon. about an hour ago, i could feel it start to return so i made some more toast and spread some more preserves on it. i'm fine right now.

i have no idea what's in it. it says organic. and that you 'must' refrigerate after opening.

i'd heard all of elaine's suggestions before and tried them before with no luck, ditto the e-mailed suggestions. if that's working for any of you, keep on it. but if not, you might want to look into trying some organic raspberry preserves because the ones c.i. sent did the trick.

crystal haidl didn't offer any suggestions for cramps but she did e-mail to note a project:

(Philadelphia, February 9, 2006) Sexual dialogue in America isn't getting the respect it deserves. Not on Valentines. Not on the airwaves, nor on the Internet-- and only with a little compromise at your local Kinko's. That, according to small press editor and publisher Crystal Syben Haidl, is why she’s challenging 333 Americans to discuss their sexual feelings in individual 33-minute phone conversations with her, beginning February 14. Haidl, whose non-fiction coffee table is about threesomes-- hence the campaign's "three-isms"-- is initiating the person-to person radio-appearance outreach to publicize the importance of sexual freedom of speech against the growing range of businesses-- like Internet behemoth EBay to independent US print shops-- that are choosing to not conduct transactions with sexually themed companies.
"There's a grave paradox and ironic insanity in America's handling of sexual discussion as a kind of contraband," says Haidl. At a time when the Pope recently surprised the world with his poetic embrace of Eros, or sexual love, as primordial and "rooted in man's very nature," America's blatant love affair with sex focuses on economic tease. Sexualizing high-tech, seducing food and beverages, and titillating porn have established flirtatious comfort zones for consumers and companies. But serious sexual discussion makes corporate America and the FCC squirm. Ducking under fears that adult content has high risk return rates (which the Adult industry denies) to citing the Supreme Court's ruling for "community standards"-- as a protection to employees, conservative clients and consumers, alike--sexual content is conveniently blanketed under a one-size- fits- all label. The porn industry can afford higher priced vending options to overcome the restrictive hurdles imposed by banking, corporate and FCC dictates. But less profitable sensual, educational products are left somewhere lost between the bed sheets.

Haidl's nude-imaged socio-erotic anthology III(Three) was banned by PayPal, had to be printed in Canada, and she endured a Kinko's employee's outburst upon seeing one of the book's faxed nudes (later apologized for by management). The majority of other e-commerce ban sexual content, too. Nonetheless, Haidl attests, "Before Janet Jackson's inspired FCC crack-down, radio listeners didn't hesitate to call-in during my interviews and they're still sharing their experiences in 2006. The difference is there are less shows allowing sexual themes. "
A forty-something brunette, who is neither sexologist nor health care professional, Haidl intends to start talking to people as soon as e-mails come in (
"Talking about sex is as humanizing as you can get. It's both fun and intimidating, and in the end you get to know more about yourself and the world." She hopes her efforts encourage well-known sexologists and celebrities to continue the campaign, and anticipates another book in the making.

i think we're too uptight and prudish about sex. i don't know haidl but if you're interested in sharing your own thoughts, e-mail her. i'm happy to note her project and wish her luck with it.
a lot more honesty about sex would be a very good thing.

i'll give you an example of how we're too uptight. if you make a sex joke about a man and a woman, it's no big thing. if you make it about a man and a man or a woman and a woman, suddenly it's a bad thing. not in my mind because in my mind, sexuality between consenting adults is fine regardless of what the hook up is.

now if the joke is mocking some 1 for being gay or lesbian, then fine, object. but this whole idea of 'oh my god, you told a joke about tom cruise and it said he was gay' or whomever is just nonsense. there's nothing wrong with being gay. and being a celebrity means people will talk about your sex life. (considering some of the movies certain actors and actresses have released in the last few years, they should be glad anyone's talking about them in any way.)

it reminds me of all the 'anne heche and ellen kissed in front of clinton!' i don't believe they did. but if they had, so what? people kiss all the time in public and we rarely even think anything other than 'get a room' unless it's a same-sex couple then all the sudden we turn prudish.

i don't see gay or lesbian as an insult. but there are a lot of people who do. and it's sad when it comes from someone who thinks of themselves as 'advanced' in any sense of the word.

if a guy is acting in a manner we would stereotype as feminine or a woman is acting in a manner we would stereotype as masculine that's not really 'acting gay.' i know that's popular with the younger crowd weened on south park: that's so gay!

if you're talking longing looks or touching that can be read as something more than friendship, then there's nothing wrong with noting the homoerotic subtext.

but it bothers me that 'gay' or 'lesbian' is still by some as 'bad'. i don't mean the 'vangical voters. i'm talking about supposed progressive people. and i'm not talking about using slang terms even. i'm talking about a very basic effort to note the subtext.

i don't think i'm getting my point across here.

let's use an example that happened recently. t and i were eating lunch recently and this woman who knows t, i don't know the woman, comes up and starts talking. we were eating at the bar (yes, we were drinking) and the bartender knows t and knows me. the woman had her arm around t and the bartender asked if she was the new girlfriend (t had just started dating her current girlfriend but most people hadn't met the new girlfriend yet).

the woman was so offended and as soon as the bartender walked off, started insisting he was a homophobe. if so, he's a self-hating gay man because he is gay.

the woman was just convinced that this straight man (she thought he was straight) had just made a homophobic remark. as soon as he asked, she removed her arm from t.

there was nothing homophobic there except in the woman's mind. the bartender didn't mean the question to be insulting because he doesn't think 'lesbian' is an insult.

we had to get a table to calm the woman down. she kept insisting that he was homophobic and then started in on how he didn't assume i was a lesbian. well t and i go there all the time because it's near her salon and he knows we're friends and he's also met my ex-husband who sometimes tags along if it's in the evening.

but when she started bringing me into it, that told me that's what it really was about.

'why did the man think i was a lesbian and not rebecca?' the person was in a panic. she can be friends with t. she can laugh and joke with t. but if some 1 assumes that she and t are an item, her day is ruined because on some level she's not comfortable with her own sexuality. she can't take any 1 mistaking her for a lesbian.

we finally had her calm (though not convinced) when calvin comes in, walks over and says, 'oh so this is the new honey!' and once again the woman is in the midst of a panic. less so than before because calvin fits her stereotype of gay. (she never believed us about the bartender until she realized that calvin was the bartender's boyfriend. the bartender didn't fit her limited vision of what a gay man was.) so since calvin's gay, she's miffed but going to great strides to say she's not t's girlfriend and she's not gay and she's married and she has a child. she got all that out without taking a breath.

and then she kept harping on it. to the point that she was pulling out photos from her purse 'see here's my husband' and 'this is my baby.'

t only knows the woman from the salon and the gym they both work out at. when the woman finally left, announcing loudly that she had to get home before her husband did, t said the woman always introduces her at the gym as 'my gay friend.'

so the woman can take a tiny step and probably figures she deserves a gold star and a nobel peace prize for the effort. but if there's any confusion by someone, she goes into a panic.

before she left, when she was still freaking out and i was beyond bored with her and she'd said 't is just a friend' for about the 20th time, i interrupted her to say 'oh t and i are friends too and we make out all the time.' the woman glares at me and tells me i just made a homophobic joke.

so maybe that's explains what i'm talking about or trying to talk about.

there are plenty of times when some 1 will assume t and i are a couple if they know t and haven't met me before. it's never caused me to panic or to feel the need to say 'we're just friends! honest, we're just friends!'

i think the country needs to grow up. not 'a little' but a whole lot.

t said the woman's better than some who introduce her to their other friends as 'my black, gay friend.' i nearly spit out my drink when t said that. we laughed forever that some 1 could be so whatever that they'd need to say that. we started joking that maybe 'friends' like that were introducing her to people who were blind or had never before seen or heard of an african-american.

so maybe that explains what i'm trying to say better than my earlier attempt. but calvin was telling us about how he had made a 'don't drop the soap' joke once and a straight friend had told him he was making homophobic jokes.

last night on er, i just watched tv last night, i felt so sick. (tonight i'm listening to music, right now the hair album.) a male doctor had been in an bachelor auction and the winning bid had been by another male. so you had all these male nurses and doctors (has er ever had a gay male nurse among their characters?) making jokes that collectively and because of the attitudes of the character could be seen as homophobic.

i don't know the characters well enough to know, to be honest. i quit watching when george clooney left. but that did make me uncomfortable because it seemed that the assumption the guys were operating under was that gay is bad. (and probably the pack mentality added to my assumption, i don't know these characters, that they were assuming gay was bad.)

to assume that gay is wrong or less than straight is homophobic.

if calvin made those same jokes and he were on the show, i probably wouldn't have found them homophobic. if a male friend whom i knew had been 1 of the characters, i wouldn't have assumed his remarks were homophobic.

it's like the difference between the character will or woody harrelson's character on will & grace making a joke and the way the same lines would play on a cbs sitcom. on a cbs sitcom, it would come off homophobic. largely because they don't have gay characters on cbs but also because they're so busy trying to be hyper masculine that it's obvious that gay is a bad thing in the world of cbs.

i was talking to t when she called today (with yet more suggestions for my cramps) and she said she thinks it really depends upon where you're coming from. she said she makes jokes, her friends make jokes, but there's a difference between that and jokes that operate under the assumption of 'gay=bad.'

i don't think i've made my point very well at all tonight.

so let's just note that people need to become more comfortable with sexuality. virgin or experienced lover, sexuality effects us all. it is a part of who each of us are.

moronic mars fans, all 3 of them, had a fit the first time ava and c.i. reviewed that crappy show. 'you're homophobic' 3 of them wrote. why? because ava and c.i. had noted the very obvious homoerotic overtones of an episode of the show. which included an all male poker game that ended with the boys stripping down to their underwear. and included lines of breaking up with one another and lines about one guy not going to the prom with another. or when they reviewed freddie they made the very obvious point that freddie prinze jr and brian austin green weren't exactly the stereotypes of masculinity when they reviewed the episode that ended with freddie and green pretending to be a gay couple. it was an offensive episode and it was offensive because they immediately went to stereotype city.

i can only assume that the 4 people who had a problem with those reviews have a problem with gay men. (and that they can't read very well because in the moronic mars review, ava and c.i. noted that the homoerotic subtext was the only interesting thing about the show and that they wished there was more of it.) in moronic, it was a constant joke. in freddie it was an insulting 'gag' added at the end of a really lame episode (where green had already crossdressed).

ty mentioned those e-mails to me this afternoon when we were tossing around some ideas about things to write about for the third estate sunday review this weekend. and it just really blew my mind. maybe those people are so devoted to their shows that they took insult that very obvious things (like a character crossdressing and then pretending to be the stereotypical wife of the lead character) were noted in the reviews? or maybe in their worlds they're okay with gay as long as no 1 ever mentions it. that whole 'do what you want but don't do it in front of me.'

i've never bought that argument because most of the people i've heard make that argument in person have never said the same thing to straight friends.

so if you can figure out my point, great. i'm going to give up on this post because i don't think i'm getting it across.


cramping so in the words of kat, it is what it is

seth green is really hideous. i've got four kings on and he had a funny line about 1 of the guys dating an elderly woman: 'did you get to drive miss daisy?' but he blew it, just as the audience started to laugh, by doing this weird facial tick, clapping his hands loudly and making a weird, animal like sound. you could just feel the audience recoiling as the laughter stopped.

i'll go with ava and c.i., three kings and a two. all 3 kings are do-able. and then there's seth. not funny, not sexy, turns your stomach.

'the return of dr. carter' a commercial just noted. nbc should be subtitled 'what women don't want.'

and if you thought noah wylie looked bland back when he was a regular on er, be prepared because he now looks bland and haggard.

so what else is going on? i was asked if i had anymore dreams? i wish i did. i don't usually remember them. but joan mellen's a farewell to justice really does leave an impression. i hope people will read it. (sherry, bonnie and betty are already on it.)

my name is earl really does suck. they just did a joke about rudy and lord of the rings which was probably funny when the jamie gertz sitcom, still standing, on cbs did it weeks ago. now they're doing rape jokes. this really is a hideous show. and somebody tell jason lee that his looks sailed out of the harbor sometime ago. he's like the thin ned beatty.

for funny check out wally's site, the daily jot. wally's been on a hot streak all week.

lori asked me what my favorite musical on film was? i don't think i could pick just 1. i didn't care for chicago. i thought catherine zeeta jones and queen latifah were great but felt like i was watching ginger rogers in the lead. (i'm not a ginger rogers fan.) i think renee is funny and charming but felt like she didn't cut it in chicago. and richard gere? don't get me started.

i really loved 8 women but i think lori was asking about american musicals.

cameron diaz could be the lead in a musical. she's got that light spirit and would have been perfect for chicago.

so, point, i have to go back many years. i loved bugsy malone - which stars a very young jodie foster and a very young scott baio. also from the 70s, i love cabaret.

and the 60s have a lot of musicals i love. i love funny girl, of course. and i love the 60s look so i also love a lot of musicals that probably most people don't (thoroughly modern millie is a favorite). when you go further back, there are tons. on the town, singing in the rain, carmen jones, 42nd street, easter parade, an american in paris, cabin in the sky, funny face, the harvey girls, and many more.

and i'm a sucker for the musical we all grew up on in this country, the wizard of oz. when i was a kid, i thought kansas was so boring and couldn't get why dorothy would want to leave the emerald city where everything was so colorful and sparkly. i mean, dorothy didn't even have a good pair of shoes until she left kansas! but now i enjoy the whole movie.

favorite song? i know every 1 says 'somewhere over the rainbow' and it's a great song but i really love 'we're off to see the wizard' best.

i used to sing that and skip around when i was little. and wonder, why doesn't a tornado take me to oz? (something that some of my readers probably wish for.)

it's a powerful movie to this day. and the progressive recently did a cover based on it, parodying the administration. 'don't look behind the curtain.' which is true of every thing the bully boy does. empty words, scare campaigns. we have to be dorothy and not fall for it.

that's probably 1 of the reasons the film continues to hold our attention. a lot of people talk about the desire to get back home but people without that desire admire the film too. i think it's because it works on so many levels. you can laugh, you can sing along, you can be scared (those monkeys always scared me) and there's the whole level of the people realizing their power.

worst musical from that era? pal joey. i love frank sinatra in musicals. my mother used to schedule times for us to watch musicals when they came on. (this is pre-vcr days.) she'd make popcorn balls (not just popcorn because you had to have 'special' when watching a musical - i'm sure my love for them comes from my mother) and rice krispie squares. pal joey was the 1st film i saw rita hayworth in. i still don't get it. she's gorgerous in gilda and other movies. but in pal joey, she looks like susan hayward. i was so disappointed.

i always forget about marilyn monroe's musicals. to me, they are just marilyn monroe movies. but gentlemen prefer blondes is a favorite.

i'm not sure what this entry's about today. my stomach's been killing me all day. cramping. i'm going to go put a heating pad on my stomach and lie down. about twice a year, when i get my period, it's this intense pain. the rest of the time, it's just 'here i am' and no problems. but it's been like this all day and, dope that i am, i kept thinking most of the morning i must have eaten something that disagreed with me. (i'm a few days early this month which is part of what threw me.) i won't bore you by describing my cramps but i think most of my readers will know exactly what i'm talking about.


about when i met jfk, mlk and rfk

i could kill c.i. today! not really. but c.i. recommended a book to me and i was reading it last night and ended up so spooked, it took forever to get to sleep.

the book is by joan mellen and it's entitled a farewell to justice.

it's about jim garrison and john f. kennedy. it's a pretty impressive book but i'd recommend you read it during the day, during broad day light.

it's packed with information from freedom of information requests and all sorts of historical documents.

i had the weirdest dreams all night.

in 1 of them, the only 1 i'll bore you with, i was in dealy plaza (did i spell that right?) in dallas, texas. and i was looking around, i was suddenly in 1963. no every 1 wasn't in black and white!
but fashions, hello! i know fashion styles.

so i'm rushing around and trying to figure out how i can stop it and generally looking like a crazy woman. 'it' being the assassination of jfk.

so i'm asking 'has the president arrived!' and finally, after every 1 looks at me like i'm crazy, and stares at my hair since it's not coated in several layers of hair spray, this guy tells me that the president comes to dallas 'tomorrow.' so i've got time.

i manage to get to him that evening - how? i have no idea, the whole dream was jump cuts with no transition - and being an attractive woman, i manage to meet jfk. immediately i start saying 'i am from the future' and showing my driver's lic. and everything else in my purse. he doesn't believe a word i'm saying.

then i say, 'you slept with marilyn monroe and some woman named judith who was sleeping with the mobster and you're getting shots for your back pain from dr. feel good' and just rattling off everything i've ever read that became public after he died, long after.

so finally he figures out that either i'm the biggest snoop in the world or maybe i'm from the future and he waives the secret service away. so 1st he wants to know what the future's like and i'm going 'excuse me, they're going to try to kill you tomorrow, this is a little more important!' but he wants to hear about the future. then after hearing about computers and civil rights and do we fly in cars (he's very sad that we don't), he finally lets me explain what's going to happen.

after that i tell him how things are today and if he needs to give a speech right now about the cia because he won't live to see through his plans to dismantle it. he's very curious about the bully boy and i tell him about how poppy bush appears at certain interesting times in his own history. he says 'we should have nailed that family for being in business with the nazis in wwii' and i agree but tell him about the texas book depository and lee harvey oswald and the other gunmen and he just wants to talk about jackie, john-john and caroline.

so i start with caroline and tell him she's classy like her mother, she writes books about the bill of rights and other important topics, has a family and appears to be sensible and smart. then i'm trying to get back to what's going to happen the next day and also trying to avoid the whole jackie and john-john issues but he wants to know.

so i tell him jackie dies of cancer. and that makes him sad and then he asks the question that you know he wanted to ask right away, does she ever remarry? what do you say that?

i mean do you say, 'uh, mister faithful, you were not'?

so i say she marries a man and every 1 says she did so to make sure the children are safe. i tell him the man is rich but nothing else because bay of pigs and all, who knows what he might order on ari!

then he asks about john-john. i tell him his son died shortly after jackie but while he was alive, he published a magazine and was considered 1 of the most handsome men on the planet. i leave out the whole needing a few attempts to pass the bar part of the story.

then he wants to know about teddy? i say 'joan becomes an alcoholic, okay? can we move on or do i have to do the full kitty kelley on every 1 you knew? don't even get me started on richard goodwin!' well what about bobby, what about his mother, what about his father, what about . . .

it seemed like he was concerned with everything in the world but what was happening tomorrow. so when i finally do the full entertainment tonight on all the kennedys (the only thing that shocks him is maria is married to a republican intent on undoing all that the kennedy family has supported), i'm thinking we can discuss the next day. but no, he wants to talk frank sinatra.
i tell him, 'he never forgives you for the snub and ends up a republican.'

then he wants to know about angie dickinson and i say 'wait just a minute, buster, i'm the 1 doing all the dishing. angie dickinson will never say whether she had an affair with you or not, so fork it over.' (he says she did.) so he says if what i'm saying is true, take him to future.

i tell him 'uh i'm not 1 of the magical 1s from charmed, i have no idea how i ended up here and am not even sure i can make it back so let's focus on right now' but he wants to see teddy and caroline. and he's so convinced that i can do this, that i end up thinking 'what the hell, i'll try.'
we end up at ted's. he's a very nice host, in the dream.

ted can't belive it and thinks it's some actor until jfk tells him something that happened when ted was 7 and it's never made it into any of the books so ted says 'my god!' then ted's on the phone because before we go back, jfk wants to see caroline.

ted tells her, 'get over here right away' and i say, 'uh excuse me, ted' and grab the phone. 'caroline, rebecca winters here. you don't know me, but "right away" means, take a second to brush your hair, put on some lipstick and wear something nice. you're going to see some 1 you haven't seen in a long time and you'll be upset with yourself if you rush right over. you'll want to be presentable.' because that's just the sort of thing ted would forget. i mean if a woman's going to meet her father that she hasn't seen in years, she's going to wonder what he's thinking about her and not want to show up with something with a food stain on it, or have her hair all over the place because she's had a long day.

so caroline shows up looking very tasteful and ted breaks the new to her about who she's about to talk to and i excuse myself because, hey, private family moment.

they have their meeting and you can tell it really means a lot to both of them but caroline handles it better because she's got her mother's good taste and tendency not to show when she's ruffled. then it's good-byes and back to the past for me and jfk.

so we get back and the morning of and jackie walks into the oval office, sees me, and gives us both a look. i'm like, 'hey lady, i'm a time traveler, not an intern. don't go all hillary on me because i'm not a lewinsky.' she, of course, has no idea what i'm talking about. but, thinking i'm nuts, she assumes i'm with the press and excuses herself.

so here's the deal, jfk goes to dallas. he gets in the convertible. i'm saying 'at least put the bubble on' and he says no. starts talking about the importance of history and how some things have to happen. he says that if his life means anything then it can inspire 'every 1 in your time to fight all the harder.'

i'm shaking my head (and think that pink outfit jackie's wearing looks a lot better in black & white photos then it does up close - and wondering if any 1 ever told her that texas was in the south and it will probably be hot even for november). but off they go.

then, remember jump cuts, i'm all the sudden at mlk's side. 'martin!' i scream and start my whole 'they're going to kill you.' he knows. he doesn't know when or how but he knows. so i start telling him when and how and he wants to know about his family. i know quite a bit about coretta scott king but that's really all. i tell him his children must have kept their noses clean because they don't make the tabloids. i talk about how coretta carries on the fight and that makes him happy and he says 'no 1 ever sees how strong coretta is.' i tell him all about the church committe and how he's been spied upon and plotted against by the government and that doesn't surprise him. he tells me a few things that have happened that he thinks the government's behind and i tell him that some of the stuff from the church committee is still classified.

he asks if we pull out of vietnam. i tell him 'yeah, in the 70s!' that makes him sad. to cheer him up, i offer to try to take him to his family and explain i jsut did the same thing for jfk. he surprise me. he says no. why not?

'i won't have the strength to travel down the road i need to if i see them knowing what's going to happen.'

oh brother.

yes, he's another 1 who doesn't want to muck with destiny and thinks that for his life and his work to mean anything he has to face what's coming.

i'm shaking my head and thinking 'how did i end up jodie foster in the movie somersby? and since when does every man have to be like richard gere ready to die for a principle?' when suddenly, i'm in california, in a hotel lobby and rfk is checking in. i look at him, he smiles at me and i think, 'another 1 destined to keep the date with danger' and wonder why so many die for the cause instead of cheating the odds.

me, i'd have cheated the odds.

so that's 1 of the many dreams i had after reading joan mellen's a farewell to justice. books. read it, it's worth reading, but read it in broad daylight.

you can also check out this speech by mellen "HOW THE FAILURE TO IDENTIFY, PROSECUTE AND CONVICT PRESIDENT KENNEDY’S ASSASSINS HAS LED TO TODAY’S CRISIS OF DEMOCRACY" (as with the book, i recommend broad daylight).


bonnie asked a question (a good 1) and this is what i came up with

a nice e-mail came in from bonnie who wondered, nicely wondered, if maybe i wasn't a little materialistic? bonnie, i'm probably very materialistic. elaine will float off to the after life on a peaceful vibe, c.i. will be martyred into the afterlife and i'll be banging, yelling, 'let me in! let me in!'

bonnie was talking about my remark that i worked my ass off for my money which i made in relation to a jerk that acts like he's c.i.'s friend. the jerk's an adult of many, many, many years and still lives off mommy and daddy. too refined to work and all of that. i don't like mooches and never have. this guy is the type who not only gets his parents to pay the way but expects people he knows to bail him out in addition to that. i have no use for those kinds of people.

i will acknowledge that not every 1 can end up set up even if they work their asses off. i benefitted from a lot including lucky breaks. and some of that may also come from the fact that when i was married to fly boy, the wives of his friends would usually not work and be appalled to find out i worked. i didn't marry him for his money. (i didn't divorce him for it either.) i worked before i knew him, i worked when we dated, i worked while we were married. i just wanted to be clear that i wasn't sitting around on my ass on his money.

we divided up the cars and the real estate but that's really all. i didn't ask him for money. which is probably why he always did stuff like kept up the subscriptions to the newspapers.

a new reader wondered why i called him my ex when 'you're obviously sleeping with him.' he's my 'ex' as in ex-husband. where this is going, who knows? we are together in some way now but i'm not going to label it and i've told him i'm not looking to get married again right now.

that's partly because, if i was really honest, i'm not wanting to go back to work. so marrying him is out of the question unless i want to be 1 of those women whose days start flipping through the catalogues while they work up the strength for a shopping 'jaunt' in the afternoon.

i always paid my own way. with friends who bust their butts but can't manage it, i'm happy to help out. but i'm not like c.i. putting up with a crowd of beggars which is what i think a lot of the people around c.i. are. it's not as bad as it's been in times past. but you just need 1 hard luck story with c.i. and they don't even have to be what most people would consider hard luck stories. saying you spent your rent on a new home entertainment center won't get sympathy for me no matter how much you tell me you 'needed' it, really, really needed it. c.i.'s a soft touch. less so now.

partly due to being too busy for the nonsense but also because you can only be burned by phonies so many times before you start realizing some people just aren't worth it. now it's taken years. and years. but c.i. can see that with some people now. in college, it was always order whatever you want and then when the bill came 'oh, i don't have any money on me' or some other lame excuse and c.i. would take care of the bill for every lame ass that did that. i'd be saying 'stop doing that. no 1 goes out to eat and drink without knowing whether or not they have money. they knew they didn't have money before they ordered.'

there was one little _ who for 3 years got every meal and everything else off c.i. and the most she ever did, when i insisted on it, was to buy a glass of tea. i'm not kidding. she said, after i balled her out, to c.i. 'well i owe you a meal.' you think? after 3 years of mooching? then she orders the most expensive thing for herself and when the bill arrives says she only has the money to pay for c.i.'s glass of tea.

all you have to do with c.i. is play on the guilt. do a 'gee, i wish i had ...' whatever and then c.i. feels bad for you and feels bad about having anything and it's 'how much do you need?'

there are people who are worth it because they're friends. like there is a painter who some day will be, if there's any fairness in the world, 1 of the greats. but the painter is focusing on art, working on it, slaving on it. this nonsense of 'i'm going to sit on my ass and let some 1 else pay my way without ever doing anything but partying' is just nonsense.

or take 'princess' as elaine and i dubbed 1 'friend.' princess thought she had a right to everything. there were times when elaine and i would say 'oh no, we're tired' because just going into a bookstore with princess would mean she'd pull the 'i have to have these magazines' and then pout because she didn't have the money for them and c.i. would roll the eyes and pay. that 1 was pretty obvious from the start. like new albums come out on tuesday. you better believe she'd show up on tuesday with her wish list already in mind and then hint and hint about all going to 'check out the new music.'

now that's another sponge/mooch who lived with her parent (her father was dead, she lived with mommy) and you just think, 'get a job already.' what's so funny is that a friend of mine knows princess and princess is freaking out because her mother's ill and now 'i'm going to have to take care of her!' it's not funny that her mother's ill but her mother's carried her beyond the 9 months, beyond the first 18 years, and now the selfish little princess is stomping her feet that, after all these years, she might actually have to give something back.

by the way, i'm not talking about people with serious problems. there are people that c.i.'s helped 'escape' from bad situations like bad marriages and that's fine. i would do that as well. but the people i'm talking about are spoiled and pampered and they've never done anything with their lives. they've never gotten a job, they've never worked a day in their life, they're not in school or pursuing the arts, they sleep until noon, roll out of bed and expect that everyone else is just so thrilled by their company that their time should be paid for.

princess thought she had a right to everything. she was forever 'borrowing' an item from c.i. and never returning it. she did that to me once with a pair of earrings and after asking for them back a month later, asking 3 times, i just went over to her place, knocked on the door, walked in when the door opened, walked to her bedroom, nodded to her as i walked over to her jewelry box, grabbed my earrings and walked out without ever saying a word to her. she just somehow believed she was entitled to everything.

so that's what i was raging about when i was talking about the jerk yesterday. and did he see the post? yes, he did and wrote me a nasty e-mail that he keeps track of every cent he's been given and plans to pay it all back 'some day.' yeah, some day's never coming because his tab's too high.

i don't think any 1 is their job. i do think that if you're a mooch, you're a mooch.

people can fall on hard times, i understand that and am not talking about that.

but this nonsense of people who are born with every break in the world and think 'instead of making something of my life or even getting a regular job, i'm just going to be a mooch' is nonsense to me.

if someone's lucky enough not to work, fine. i have no problem with it. and if you want to live your life in party town, go for it. as long as you can foot the bill. but if you can't, get a job and quit begging and mooching. if there's 1 thing that amazes me the most about the well to do, it's how lazy they are. and they aren't the well to do, their parents were. i'm not talking about kids here or even people still in their 20s.

like there's this 1 piece of work. years and years ago, she and c.i. were up for the same job and if you know c.i. you know what's coming. because it might be important to her, c.i. offered to bow out. she said no, c.i. got the job and she seems to think c.i.'s got to be her meal ticket for the rest of time. 'if i had gotten that job . . .' she'll bring it up all the time. she wouldn't have and if she had, she would have been fired. she's lazy. and she's been fired from the very few jobs she could get because she wouldn't show up. that's not working. that's not trying for anything.

i'm always amazed at the people c.i. knows, and sometimes it seems like c.i. knows every 1, who delude themselves. there's this 1 woman who marries for money, taps each husband out and suddenly 'things aren't working' she'll tell that husband. do you know what her profession is? she'll tell this to every 1. 'i'm a screen writer.' have i seen any movie you wrote?

no, because none have ever been made. and she's written the same damn script over and over. every year or so, she'll pull it out and say 'i'm working' and rewrite the same script which is a crappy idea written by a crappy writer. now this has been going on for years and years.

but if you met her and you asked her what she did, she'd tell you 'i'm a writer' or 'i'm a screenwriter.' and somehow the fact that for 4 weeks every year, she rewrites that old script each year, she thinks that allows her to say that.

maybe i'm too judgemental but i don't think that makes some 1 a writer. i don't think success makes some 1 a writer necessarily. but if you're a writer, whether you get paid for it or not, whether you ever sell anything or not, it just seems to me that you spend your time writing. not jetting all over the place on your latest husband's money. and some 1 needs to tell her that her looks have faded. the husband before last was a self-made success who went to school with her.
he was a few years behind and she was always the most beautiful in school so he considered it a real feather in his cap to marry her. he had made his money and was done with the rat race. within a year, he was having to go back to work because she'd spent her way through pretty much all of it.

she was fine with that and assumed lightening would strike again and immediately. when he told her they were going to have to be on a budget and she was going to have to step down from the arts board she was sitting on (1 of those get together for lunch and never do anything but gossip about your life), the marriage was over. as soon as i saw her fuming, i knew it was over. and sure enough, within 2 weeks she was hitting c.i. up for money for a mover and money for this and money for that.

what always amazes me is how cheap she is with every 1. even while her husband has money, she's cheap. her friends get cheap gifts (like an airport gift shop t-shirt) and it's the same with her husband of the moment. but for herself, she's spending fortunes.

so maybe that clears up where i'm coming from?

i don't like people like that and i never want any 1 to assume that, because i'm not working, that i am like that. i don't sponge off people and i don't sponge off my ex-husband. i went into that marriage with the money i made and, though he had made his own money and had money from his family, i never assumed that his money was my money. you can say i'm too independent if you want, but i never wanted any 1 to pay my way. that may also come from too many dates in jr. high and early high school where a guy that bought me a burger and fries seemed to think that bought him the right to cop a feel or more. by my junior year, on the 1st dates with any guy, i paid my own way just to avoid some guy thinking 'well i spent 5 bucks so now i get to go to 3rd or home plate.'

i developed early and have big breasts so maybe it's different in other situations? maybe the boys were just in awe of my boobs? but i really got tired of that. to the point that even if i had been thinking of having sex with the guy. if i sensed that he thought 'i'm getting sex because i paid for dinner' - i would do the total freeze out.

there are real difficulties in life and having large breasts isn't 1 of them. but i do think that some of the nonsense guys assumed wouldn't have been assumed if i'd had a normal size or even small chest. and when a guy can't look you in the eyes, as most couldn't until college, i think you become aware that some of them assume you have a price on your head or ass.

to twist a bette davis phrase, i may have seen better days but i'm still not to be had for the price of a burger.

but like elaine, who is beautiful and has those classical looks that i'd kill for, guys always related to her as a person. and i did notice that. and before 1 of the prigs who reads this thinks i need their e-mail about how 'well look at how you talk with your gutter mouth!' i didn't talk like that back then. though i didn't look the part, i would've fallen into the 'good girl' category. elaine was much wilder than i was. (c.i. was off saving the world - then as now. with a legion of lust filled devoted attempting to follow.)

but, point, while elaine was allowed to be considered a person and attractive, i was, or i felt that i was, seen more as a piece of meat. and if you developed early, i'm sure you remember how embarrassing that was. by the end of elemenatry school, i was wearing a jacket year round because of the stares.

i've never really talked in depth about this with c.i. or elaine but i know elaine's take, from statements she's made, would be that she's not pretty. she's not pretty, she's beautiful. she always had the perfect frame, the perfect skin, gorgeous face, gorgeous legs, gorgeous hair and she puts herself down when she's in a rush in the morning and pulls her hair up or back into a ponytail but no 1's looking at her and thinking 'eh.' she's beautiful. i don't think c.i. really thinks about looks. c.i.'s always avoided the mirror. c.i. looks in bits and pieces when the mirror has to be used. or maybe it's because people always made a big deal over c.i.'s look and that sort of thing, making a big deal, makes c.i. uncomfortable so it's just been a non-issue?

but it did effect me. i went from being cute to being stacked and no 1 was saying 'she's cute.' instead, they'd say this in front of me to my mother, 'you are getting her a good bra, aren't you?'
or 'she'll need to dress very modest.' this was when i started developing and it probably played into it, the reactions of these older women. it was like not only was i already embarrassed, wearing my jacket and carrying my books in front of my chest, but these women, adults, seemed to think this was a huge burden.

who knows?

i hadn't planned to write about this so much but boy do i feel better getting that off my chest.

i think i'll call it a night. bonnie wrote the nicest e-mail and kept saying 'i'm not trying to offend you.' bonnie, you didn't offend me and look what your question produced! sherry wondered if c.i. or elaine was bothered when i mentioned them? elaine just laughs. c.i. would prefer nothing go up here that was personal but i don't hear about it. (i know that though because c.i. is very private and always has been. ask a personal question and watch it be deflected so cleverly you don't even realize it until long after.) but as long as every 1 gets that this is my memory or my version, c.i. doesn't say a word to me about it.

i think i'm lucky to have both as friends and for so many years. i know a lot of people i've fallen out of touch with. you say 'we'll keep in touch' but you never do. but elaine and c.i. have been lifelong friends and, as elaine says, 'we're stuck with one another until the grave at this point.'


jeff sessions blames bully boy for 9-11

is jeff sessions' a 'conspiracy' guy?

in the midst of his questioning he felt the need to trot out 1 of his stale phrases that he always uses about 'negligence or failure of will.' it's his catch phrase and he uses it whenever he can.

but he applied it to 9-11 at the hearings.

is jeff pointing fingers at the bully boy?

jeff, step up to the plate, tell us what you really think.

(i know jeff sessions was just being his usual blow hard self; however, when i heard him trot out his catch phrase - he uses it like gary coleman used 'what you talking bout, willis?' - i was suprised to hear him use it for 9/11.)

the hearings, the musical hair and a jerk

c.i. and wally are all over the hearing today and you should make a point to check out c.i.'s comments on the hearings and feinstein in "Democracy Now: Al Lewis; Senate Hearings (Miss Priss Instant Cuckoo and more)" and wally's explanation of alberto gonzlaes in 'THIS JUST IN! "GET MRS. GONZALES HERE PRONTO!"' for critiques and humor.

so what's left you for you, rebecca?

so glad you asked.

well john cornyn managed to pronounce all his words correctly. alberto was slurring like a mean drunk when he got nervous which, sadly, wasn't too often because, with few exceptions, he wasn't seriously challenged. but the howler came from republican senator jeff sessions who some 1 needs to teach how to say 'fascist' because he pronounced it 'fast-ists.' jeff, we're talking about history here, basic history. how can you be so ignorant and be a senator?

although john cornyn proves that brains aren't required to serve in the senate.

did any 1 catch how cornyn left the impression that he was all over the patriot act? of course, he wasn't in the senate at the time. but corny's a glory hog.

there was moment i'll write about right after this goes up in a short post. but i want to talk about music and something else 1st. (the other thing is just something i need to get off my chest so i'm not screaming in frustration all night, plus the asshole visits sometimes and if he sees this, maybe he'll own his own crap when he reads me calling him out.)

sherry wrote and goes 'what gives rebecca? i got an e-mail from c.i. yesterday that started "finally home" and it's pretty obvious that this morning's entry is dictated and that c.i.'s in dc.' what gives? c.i. and wally are in dc with a few others. with all the problems with blogger/blogspot this weekend as well as the problems the weekend of september when we were all in dc and either couldn't get into our sites or were losing posts, the decision was made to leave the impression that all returned home. with c.i., specifically, those posts were typed up by a friend. 'paranoid?' was c.i.'s question to jim when it was proposed in dc. (and i only found that out from jim this evening. i was calling c.i. at home yesterday evening and never getting through. i was thinking 'okay, c.i. doesn't want to talk to anyone, just wants to rest.' after jim told me, i called c.i. on the cell.) but jim said 'better safe than sorry.' so that was what was done.

when do those who stayed leave? how do you know they haven't already? you don't.

so let me talk about the phone call with c.i. because i'm pissed off at some 1. with everything going on right now, you'd think 'friends' would be understanding but this 1 jerk who knows c.i. is having a little fanny fit. for over a month, this 'friend' has been nothing but 'i want . . . i want' and then c.i. makes time and the jerk blows c.i. off to party and play. now the 'friend' has a bad patch and is acting like c.i. blew the jerk off.

elaine and i are friends so let me use us as an example. she won't mind. it would be like elaine calling me up out of the blue after ignoring me for about a month to say 'hey becky, i'm sorry that we've drifted apart' and then wanting to go into all the reasons why on her end. (elaine and i have never drifted apart, for the record.) then elaine would say, 'let's really work at this friendship' and we'd both agree to and then elaine blows me off for a month. then all the sudden her brother's sick and i hear about if rom c.i. and i contact her and she acts like it's my fault. just a real jerk like this has been happening the whole time she was blowing me off and like i was the 1 blowing her off.

i told c.i. if the jerk wants to play it like that, don't lose any sleep over it. but c.i.'s all 'did i do something wrong?' because c.i. will automatically assume that. no, c.i. didn't do anything wrong. some 1 had a new year's resolution and suddenly wants to be best friends, for that 2nd in time, then gets lost in the party scene. then the jerk gets bad news, doesn't call c.i., and when c.i. goes to the trouble to contact the jerk, the jerk has a mini-explosion acting like the bad news is c.i.'s fault and c.i. has been one doing the blowing off.

what happened is some 1 didn't take life or the people around them very seriously. now 1 isn't doing well. the jerk can't own his problems and has to push them off on c.i. i don't take that crap and i wish c.i. wouldn't. i said, 'look, you have so much on your plate right now. if you won't say "screw you" to the jerk, just avoid him until you have time.'

i called elaine and told her what was going on and her response was 'well that's c.i.' and it is. any problem in the world that someone wants to push off, c.i. will grab the blame for. but this jerk has ticked me off and if c.i. lets the jerk push blame off on c.i., some 1's going to see just how angry and nasty i can be. i don't mean c.i. (the jerk sometimes visits my site. so the jerk should read this as a warning.) c.i. could be partying and basically living in la-la land but instead, c.i.'s trying to do something. some lazy ass, pampered prick doesn't need to dump his problems on c.i. boo hoo, you got bad news. so you didn't get to party all week. maybe you're a little too old to be partying all week? maybe it's past time that you grew up? or do you plan to live on your parents' money your whole damn life?

seriously, you're teenage years are long gone. quit being a mooch and grow up. and quit blaming your problems on others. if you're wishing you'd spent more time with the person who was ill, c.i. didn't prevent you from that. your partying prevented you from that. so lose the chip on your shoulder. i've never had a lot of sympathy for people who don't do anything with their lives.

some would accuse me of that. and there are some who think i live off fly boy's alimony but i don't. i made my own money. i did get this house in the divorce but he got the place in the city.
and i worked until an abortion. that's when i quit and went through my withdrawal period. (for non regular readers, i am pro-choice and i do not regret the abortion. i was and still am angry that due to the health issues, i had to excercise that option.)

but even now, i'm not partying all the time. as i've come out of my shell, i've started working with a group of teenagers and volunteering some time there. but i busted my ass for years.

this jerk still depends on mommy and daddy to pay for everything and, when your adult, that doesn't cut it. 'mommy, will you pay for my apartment?' 'daddy, where's my allowance?' i mean grow the hell up already. and you're too old for the party circuit, jerk. when all the people around you are that much younger than you, you should take a hint.

i'm not as nice as elaine or c.i. i feel like people who are just mooches aren't worth hanging around with. elaine will set boundaries but with c.i. it's different because all it takes is 1 hard luck story to pull the heart strings. that was the 1st thing i said to c.i., 'do not give that jerk any money, do not buy that jerk a "cheer up" present.' but knowing c.i. it's now guilt time and wondering 'did i do something wrong?' the world's most emotionally needy tend to regularly show up at c.i.'s doorstep. i don't have time for them. c.i. doesn't have time for them but i bet you anything right now c.i.'s still doing the 'how could i have handled this differently?' dance.

which is 1 of c.i.'s best qualities, to be fair. c.i. will examine personal relationships and will own up to mistakes. but c.i. will also grab blame that's not been earned. if some people are glory hogs for attention, c.i.'s a glory guilt hogging all the blame. and there's really not time for it right now so i'm hoping the pratical side of c.i. trumps the side that's always willing to buy into the 'it's your fault' claim.

on the phone we did have some laughs. c.i.'s still ticked me and we laughed about that. i'm a big fan of the musical hair and was on the fence about going away for the weekend 2 weekends ago. i went. so third estate sunday review did their review of the hair album without me ('Music soundtrack: Hair'). now c.i. says that 'facing a dying nation of moving paper fantasy listening for the new told lies' from 'the flesh failures (let the sunshine in)' is stuck in the head. we were laughing about that during the work on the latest edition of the third estate sunday review. and every now and then jess would offer, in his amazing baritone, 'facing a dying nation.'

i really do love that musical. i'm not huge on musicals, i think most of them are a waste of time because they're a bunch of really bad disney cartoons brought to life. but something like chicago or all that jazz or something that goes beyond 'bring the toddlers! for the whole family!' i can usually enjoy. i loved rent and saw it repeatedly.

by the way, 'Music soundtrack: Hair' noted that hair's being performed next month at 3 different locations so let me plug that. if you're in 1 of the areas, you should check out a production. fly boy and i are talking about seeing the new york production.

1) March 9 through 12 and 16 through 19th, Brown University presents its production of the musical.
2) Glendale College (Glendale, CA) starts its performance on March 10th (concludes March 26th).
3) Rounding out the March performances, the Endicott Performing Arts Center in New York performs their production of Hair on March 10-12 and 17-19.

if you've never seen hair, see if you don't come out of the theatre singing or humming the songs. like 'initials' which is 1 that usually sticks in my head when i'm making drinks with the blender for some reason:

LBJ took the IRT
Down to 4th street USA
When he got there, what did he see?
The youth of America on LSD
The Vietnam War waging.

now after that they start doing this call and response of 'lbj' and 'irt' and other lines. and you'll love what happens at the end of the song, trust me.



Joint entry by Kat and Rebecca. Blogger acted up and we figured we'd do a brief, joint post together. We think the joint posts demonstrate that the community works together. We also think it's easier to collaborate than to do a post solo.

There was a news item that we wanted to be sure everyone was aware. From Democracy Now!'s headlines on Friday:

Teen Attacks Massachusetts Gay Bar in Apparent Hate Crime
In Massachusetts, a teenager attacked three men at a gay bar in the town of New Bedford. One victim is in critical condition after sustaining a gunshot wound. The assailant attacked the men after verifying with the bartender that the place was a gay bar. Police have identified the suspect as 18-year old Jason Robida. Police are calling the attack a hate crime.

Bully Boy? Where is he on this? We can remember Bill Clinton decrying the violent murder of Matthew Sheppard. But this is Bully Boy's base. The people who play super-patriots. They love the country . . . just as long as you're not in it.

Where does an 18 year old get the idea that it's okay to murder people who happen to be gay? We can tell you he didn't get it from The Book of Daniel which NBC cancelled under pressure from the right wing group AFA.

As they spew their hate and aren't called on, it becomes easier for people to take the words of violence into the physical plane. A climate was created where it was once again okay to attack gays and lesbians in the media. As the myth of the "values voters" spread, our media backed off from calling this hate what it was. They spoke of reaching out to "Bush country" and of the need to be "tolerant" of . . . hate.

The New York Times was once up for nonstop coverage of a golf club that was closed to women but this story has yet to grace the front page. On Sunday they bored you with a boring story about a perfect attendance plan for schools. It read like a weekly newsletter you get in the mail, not like a major newspaper. It's shameful and so is the continued refusal by the paper to provide an editorial or column devoted to Coretta Scott King. For more on that, see The Third Estate Sunday Review's "Editorial: Does The New York Times editorial board not know that Coretta Scott King died or do they just not care?"

Other recommended readings? To know your history of government abuse check out C.I.'s "On the Dangers of an Unchecked Bully Boy." And don't miss Ruth's "Ruth's Morning Edition Report" which is epic in scope and size.

Remember that Pacifica Radio will broadcast Monday's NSA hearings live. Coverage begins at 9:00 a.m. eastern time and ends at 6:00 p.m. eastern time. You can listen over the airwaves or online. To listen online or to find out if there's a station in your area visit the Pacifica Radio website.

kat and i wrote this together in i.m. and are copying and pasting from that. for those wondering, 'rebecca, where are your caps?'