last night, janis joplin, if i heard her right, said pat robertson needed to have some good sex. also last night, jim morrison, if i heard him right, said pat robertson needed to take up drinking or, if he already has, needs to get sober.
what am i talking about?
god's personal best friend, pat robertson, if he heard the lord correctly, has been told by god, that america is going to be hit with storms and possibly a tsunami.
now the singing nun told me that god's getting really tired of pat robertson.
and mama cass told me a) don't call her 'mama' and b) that god finds pat robertson to be 1 of the worst social climbers in the world and is very weary of the way pat robertson drops HER name all the time.
cass elliot added that god's heard pat robertson even uses HER name to cut in line at amusement parks and bank lines but st. peter, heaven's bouncer, has already been warned that, despite all the name dropping, god is not friends with pat robertson and, in fact, never talks to robertson. st. peter has been instructed to tell pat robertson a) that his name is not on the list and b) there's a thin line between worship and stalking so god's taken out a restraining order to prevent pat robertson from ever being closer to god than 500 feet.
jimi hendrix explained to me that what really ticked god off was pat robertson's attempt to market himself as a weather forecaster off of god's good name.
check out wally's 'THIS JUST IN! DESPERATE CONGRESS MEMBERS!'