note this, i can't get into my account. i called t but she's not at her place and won't be for a few hours. i then phoned dallas, who says it's very cold in dallas, and imposed upon him. he's copying and pasting this to the top of this entry for me and posting it. and he's at the ready for tonight's special programming. we all think dallas should do his own site and i don't think any of us can ever thank him enough for all that he does to help out. he really gives his all for the community. so thank you, dallas.
the entry below was written last night. i can't get in so i can't read it. you find a typo, if that's what you were seeking, consider it your reward. (and dallas better not correct anything. i feel like i've imposed enough on what sounds like a cold and dreary day.)
these are my opinions below. the unidentified woman is kat. i didn't have her permission last night to name her. i do now.
my opinions of this are my opinions. i will offer no correction to them. if the jerk who thinks he can make kat correct her opinion wants to try that shit on me, it'll get real ugly. i don't take shit from men who have their feelings hurt because a woman has an opinion and thinks that means they can insist upon a correction. i don't play that bullshit game.
since i wrote this, the man finally responded to kat. or to 'cat' as he wrote. did he finally say 'please post the following as my take on this'? hell no.
and there's a reason. those kind of men never want it to be their words. it's not enough that they get to comment, they want it to look like a woman's changed her mind. if he was quoted and noted, it wouldn't look like kat changed her mind. this is, MY OPINION, about some little minded man getting ticked off that a woman didn't kiss his ass and so he thinks he can come along and insist upon a correction to some 1's opinion. i don't play that game.
i think it's offensive. i think it's disgusting. i don't think women should ever be treated that way and i damn well will never take it.
so if the jerk reads this and is offended, guess what, too bad. it's my opinion. despite what you seem to think a penis is not required to have an opinion. some of us think with our brains. dallas, please put this intro in bold to distinguish it from last night's entry. readers, please note, there will be special programming tonight. check at the common ills for a note on that later tonight. special programming but no pledge drive.
i'm pissed off tonight.
don't expect anything great here.
a friend got an e-mail where someone dumps on her. (should i state the obvious - it's from a man. ain't it always the way?)
she's making excuses for his lack of a reply with she's in california and he may be on the east coast so there may be a time difference.
i think that's a bullshit reason.
if you dump on someone and demand something from them, you need to be ready to reply to them.
i'm sick of men who think they can weigh in on anything but let a woman disagree with them and they want corrections.
it's not as though the man doesn't have an outlet and it's not as though he hasn't already weighed in on what my friend wrote. he has. he's given his opinion at his site.
and defended his commenters including the 1s who attack people with 'deep' comments like 'stupid shit.'
you know what's stupid shit?
some 1 with their own outlet disagreeing with a woman's opinion and thinking he can demand a correction of her opinion.
that's STUPID SHIT.
and that's the STUPID SHIT that women have to put up with.
i'm so fucking pissed right now.
she's not blogging right now.
she's trying to wait to see if she and the guy can come to some understanding.
FUCK UNDERSTANDING.
he tells her to re-read his post.
excuse me, you NEED TO RE-READ HER POST.
she's not even commenting on him. she's talking about the comments that were left when 1 person offered a different opinion.
but HE demands a correction.
i'm sick of the MIND FUCKS.
i'm sick of the BULL SHIT.
HE has his own place to post.
SHE DOES NOT HAVE TO EAT HER WORDS BECAUSE HE DOESN'T LIKE HER OPINION.
that's BULLSHIT.
any 1 who knows me knows i'm not afraid to go public with anything.
the only thing i've ever not gone into fully that i wanted to was my abortion and that was because my ex-in-laws were screaming their heads off and i didn't want it to screw over my ex-husband (who is fine with me posting anything about the abortion or any thing else).
but they were worried about their reputations.
because MY ABORTION isn't MY GODDAMN STORY. it's apparently their story.
it happened to ME but i don't have the RIGHT to write about it.
so i am taking this personally, what's happened to my friend.
my friend needed some 1 to talk to.
so i listened.
she doesn't want me to blow this up so i won't name her or him.
but i'm SICK OF THIS SHIT.
i'm going to use wally as example because every 1 knows how cool wally is and that he'd never pull this type of shit.
let's say that i blogged here 'i don't think florida's a big deal.' (i do think it's a big deal.)
wally's got a site. he can post whatever he wants up there.
he would not have the right to contact me and demand a correction.
WOMEN HAVE OPINIONS.
WOMEN CAN EXPRESS THEM.
IT IS BULLSHIT FOR MEN TO PULL THIS CRAP AND THEY DON'T PULL IT WITH GUYS THEY JUST PULL WITH US.
i'm sick of it.
the guy posted his opinion of her opinion at his site.
but that's not good enough for him.
he wants a CORRECTION to her opinions.
that is BULLSHIT.
she's not angry.
she's trying to work through an understanding with the man.
i love her to death but she doesn't need to work through an understanding.
i've read what she wrote. i've read what he wrote.
she didn't weigh in on his opinion.
she doesn't need to correct her opinion of the attack comments.
women, we need to STOP doing this shit.
we need to stop worrying about the hurt feelings of little boys.
we need to stop thinking that because they gripe it's somehow our fault.
it's not our fault.
it's their fault for thinking a woman can't have a DAMN opinion of her own.
it's their fault for thinking they can whine or gripe or demand a correction.
i've so had it with this shit.
i am so sick of men playing mr. macho and telling just what they think online but let a woman disagree and they want a fucking correction which they whine about in private.
he's got his own damn site. he's posted his damn opinion.
he needs to apologize to my friend.
his lack of agreement with her opinion doesn't mean he gets a correction.
there's nothing to correct.
when i briefly worked in the entertainment industry out in los angeles, there were 2 clients who wanted corrections to every story that was written about them.
so you'd have to humor them because unless there's an error, a magazine won't give you a correction. if they print the wrong birthday for you, they'll correct it. if they get your credit wrong, they'll correct it.
if their opinion differs from you, they don't correct it.
i ask male bloggers all the time, 'do you have to put up with shit?' and they don't.
but let a woman write something and men think they can demand whatever changes they want.
take your pissing match into the men's room.
we don't need you to wave your dick.
i told her there's nothing about him in her post that needs correcting.
she could posting today but she's waiting for his reply.
and isn't that just like a man to leave a woman waiting?
i'm so sick of the bullshit.
again, he's posted his opinion at his site.
his opinion doesn't capture what she wrote but is she screaming for a correction?
no.
he's got a site to post at.
he doesn't need to try to force her to do a correction.
that's bullshit.
men like that need to start learning some boundaries.
and women, we need to stop letting them mind fuck us.
it's not our job to kiss their boo-boos or help their wounded egos.
we are not their mothers.
maybe this guy hasn't read her reply yet, like she thinks.
i don't give a damn.
you don't demand a correction and then not reply to the person.
and let's just note the 2 e-mails.
his? all about him. taking her to task for her opinion.
her's? telling him that she didn't take apart his opinion. he wasn't the fcous of her entry. he could have been and she explained where she disagreed with his opinion but noted that she didn't post her disagreements.
women, we need to quite explaining ourselves to men.
with some men, it doesn't do any good.
he fired off his e-mail and probably gave his boner a tug.
now she's fucked over and can't post because she doesnt want to write anything until she's tried to work out some understanding with him.
i don't take this shit. and i know from women bloggers that they say they find that 'inspiring.'
quit being inspired by me and start using your strength.
because until you do this same shit happens over and over.
i respond to every female blogger who writes me with this type of problem.
i know it's not an isolated incident.
i know that women get these e-mails from men all the time.
there are women who won't blog about politics because of this crap. they wanted to, they started to and then some man e-mailed them screaming that they better change this or change that.
as centrist ed learned, i don't grovel, i don't plead.
you didn't like my crack about your hair, ed? too bad, get a grown up hair cut and don't give me a whiney ass reason why you couldn't get your hair cut before you posed for a professional photo.
i don't back down and that's partly because of the hell i went through with my abortion and partly because i hear from women that it really inspires them.
i'm glad if inspires some 1. but we really need to stop this crap.
i can stand up for me and i will stand up for any woman blogger who's got some man sniffing around, growling that she apologize.
but it needs to be more than me or more than few others and me.
when we don't stand up to men, we make it harder for another woman.
i love my friend very much. but her efforts to find an understanding with this man don't help the next woman he demands back off her opinion and give him a correction.
a correction he feels is 'obvious.' not so 'obvious' that he can name it.
it's obvious to him. it's always obvious to men like that.
he can't point to an error because there's not 1.
he just doesn't like her opinion.
and when it's a woman apparently, if you don't like the opinion, you don't just blog that you don't like it, you demand a correction because big bad you won't be pushed around by some woman!
that's a hell of a sense of entitlement.
i'm sick of it.
i have heard from too many women this same story.
we need to stop backing down. we need to stop trying to work through an understanding with men we have no relationship with - men who only show up to tell us 'you are wrong!'
do you catch the shout outs online? men shouting to men.
women don't get shout outs as a rule, they get shouted at.
it is unacceptable.
if he offers an apology tomorrow, i'll let this drop. but i don't think he's going to apologize.
i have a lot of high school readers and i love you but, please, male or female, do not act this way.
if you're a guy and you disagree with a woman do not make the mistake of thinking you can demand that she changes her mind. if you are a woman, do not let some guy do that to you.
if we all stood up just 1 day, this crap would happen a lot less. if we all stood up just 1 month, i bet it would cut it out.
and don't make the mistake of thinking that when a guy tells you that you have made an obvious mistake that you have in fact made any mistake. that's just his opinion. you can blow it off and you should.
he is not ruler of the universe and he is not ruler of your's. you need to own your own universe.
if he calls you a bitch, guess what? you will live through it.
there are many worse things to be called.
in the past, i have suggested to women that they post those e-mails.
these guys don't want to do this in public. they want to bully a woman into changing her mind in private. then when she posts their 'correction' they can claim that she came to it all on her own.
if you knew some of the stories i've heard since i started blogging, you'd know this is not uncommon. and you'd raise an eyebrow when a woman blogger 'clarifies' a previous post.
we need to stop doing that.
i wonder if it happens to women who try to be op-ed writers in print?
i won't cave. i'll stop blogging before i cave.
i'll continue to be here for any women blogger that goes through this shit.
but i want you to know, not all male bloggers are like that. you would actually have a lot of support online if you challenged and outed these men.
there are a lot of male bloggers who weren't aware of what was going on.
there's 1 who has a standing offer to several female bloggers to back them and post on his site, which is a pretty big site, if they want to out these men.
so if you're reading this and you are 1 of those male bloggers that thinks you can have a fit in private and no 1 will ever know, you need to think again. because it's not just me that's getting sick of this crap.
there are men who respect that a woman can have an opinion they disagree with. they can even tell you 'i disagree' and not demand that you change your opinion.
this is a pattern of sexism and it's a new form so i'm glad i've written so much about this because as we spend more and more time online, this will be an issue that's discussd in the future.
and men who are behaving badly better be worried because it won't stay silent forever.
i dealt with 3 female bloggers on this last week who e-mailed me to share the latest demands from a man.
they alway have their own sites, these men, but they always want to contact you privately and tell you to make a correction.
guess what? if you don't make it, they go away.
when ed realized i wasn't going to rewrite my post about his hair, he moved on.
no more of his whining to c.i. about how mean i was and how i needed to change my post and correct it because he was going through a really bad time and he didn't need my mean remarks.
well if he'd gotten his hair cut for a photo he was posing for, 1 that he knew his organization was going to promote, he wouldn't have had a problem to begin with.
if he hadn't tried to act like a friend to social security, while arguing for privatization, he wouldn't have had to deal with me to begin with.
apparently i'm the 1st woman that ever said no to him. (shocking to me as well.) he got over it.
here's some tips for women bloggers:
1) you have a right to have an opinion
2) you have a right to express it
3) you have a right not to back off of your opinion because some guy's feelings are hurt
here's some tips for male bloggers who think they can force a woman to change her mind:
1) you're going to find at some point a woman who won't back down
2) when that happens realize that you are the 1 with the problem
3) try to grasp that women have brains and not just boobs
i love the men who've griped at me while at the same time wanting to know exactly how large my breasts are?
they want me to be their ideal woman, big breasts and no words that ever disagree with them.
boys, when you want that, pick up a playboy because that only happens in your little fantasies.
it's not reality and it's too bad that you haven't been forced to face reality yet in your life.
there's a reason your jerk off fantasy is only a fantasy - in the real world, women have opinions and you won't always agree with them but that doesn't mean you're right or that you can get a corretion to some woman's opinion.
if i've misjudged this man, i'll let it drop. but i don't think i have. a man who can't tell the difference between opinion and fact, a man who tells a woman she needs to re-read his post when she didn't argue his post and when he 'obviously' hasn't read her's is a man i think i can determine pretty well.
