hello my readrs. welcome to my inauguration as president of the united states.
how did it happen?
well i am in d.c. and the bully boy is where?
as your president, i promise to be fair to all, so i may confuse americans who've lived through the last five years. but the government can be fair and it can be responsive.
i will not please all americans.
as with the strongest presidents in recent history - jkf and bill clinton - i do not intend to limit myself sexually. i will, however, promise to set my heights higher than bill clinton who was truly egalitarian in his choices. rest assured, i will not sleep with anything sporting a beret.
as the 1st woman president of the united states, i will come up against many new problems. such as 'first lady.' since i'm currently unattached i ask the people's help in selecting an official mate. i will dub him 'first stud.'
i will let america vote my mate (and that is copyrighted, vote my mate, so fox will risk a law suit should they steal from me). i do not mean to influence the campaigning but i will offer a few suggestions.
1) ashton kutcher. the chin's too pointy. but he's a good looking doof and as busy as i will be, it might be easier to have a first stud who can get lost looking at the pattern a window frame makes on a wall. i should warn you that voting for kutchner will mean that i will have to either consign demi moore to a gulag (gitmo will be empty as my first action, so perhaps she would like to go there?) or a lifetime of high fat food. the president may dabble, the first stud may not.
2) ike barinholtz. my beefy boy has been thinning down. as long he keeps strutting in the tighty-whities, i don't care. caution would have to be taken with ike to make sure that when i'm speaking to the top journalists like diane sawyer and mary hart, ike's not making funny faces over my shoulder. i personally feel that ike could live up to the position of first stud but if he was unable to, i would do my part to remind him of his duties with a few well timed smacks to that beefy butt.
i had a list of 10 but i've just learned the bastard mike of mikey likes it! is attempting to stage a coup and declare himself president of the united states.
i feel just like hugo chavez!
this revolution will be blogged!
Ike Barinholtz
Ashton Kutcher
Mike Likes It!
