i had a long entry i was going to post. it's about a seer who thinks he knows best. he sees things that aren't there.
but i'm not going to waste my space on that because i want to get to the issue and not the person. i will say to him to please do some work on your anger issues because it's not healthy for you.
anger can motivate, it can drive. but when you are fueld on nothing but anger, it can destroy you. and this person, this seer, is very much in danger of being destroyed by his anger.
he can hate me all he wants. i don't care. i don't know him, i don't hang around with him, i don't e-mail him. the issue isn't me.
the issue is that he's allowed his anger to risk his home life and it's already aided him into unemployment.
and i think we can all learn a lesson here.
there's a line in the movie julia, where jane fonda says something like she's told she's too angry and vanessa redgrave says that she always like her anger.
jane fonda's playing lillian hellman and at that point in her life, anger hadn't consumed hellman.
now after the red scare and all that, hellman had every right to be angry for the rest of her life.
but i think we need to take a step back and look at our anger.
i will tap into mine when it has to do with men telling women what to do. i will tap into my frustration when it has to do with people pretending to be left when they're not. such as when the new republican calls itself a liberal publication when it is not a liberal publication.
but there has to come a down time.
whether it's when you're with friends or when you're with a sexual partner, you have to be able to relate on some thing other than anger.
the person in question, he probably looks around and sees a lot to be angry about.
i won't disagree with that.
but when you're firing off these e-mails where you see things that aren't there, it's a problem.
1 of the things he convinced himself of was that ava and c.i. were being homophobic for calling brian montopoli 'candy perfume boy.' that's not true. that is so far from true that jess couldn't finish his sentences when he was trying to tell me about it.
now the guy never had a problem with the nickname (i know) when everything was moving along nicely. but now he has a problem with c.i. and so he looks for things that aren't there.
'candy perfume boy' comes from a song by madonna. it's not a homophobic song. when they dubbed montopoli that, in retrospect, it's obvious that they were actually think more kindly of montopoli than the rest of us.
when i first heard it, i thought 'why would they use a nice song by madonna for brian montopoli.'
it's a nice song. 'i'll be your candy perfume girl, you'll be my candy perfume boy.'
but when anger blinds you, you don't even stop to say, 'why is brian montopoli called candy perfume boy?' but immediately see it as homophobic, you're anger is controlling you.
these are angry times.
and there is a place for anger.
i would never try to strip away any 1's anger.
but when it causes you to lash out at people that you know are on your side, then there's a problem.
i have a reader who e-mails about his anger. he's blown up repeatedly at work. over things that he knows are not as he immediately sees them. and he's trying to deal with his anger.
there's a place for anger.
and people can use it at their blogs and should. a blog is an op-ed, you have to have a position. you're giving your take.
but i can go off on something here but i'm not running around with my friends throwing out screeds and attitude. there has to be a place where you feel safe.
and that's what my reader is working on with elaine. from him i know it's going well. (elaine doesn't speak of it because of doctor-patient confidentiality.) i can see it in his e-mails.
we need to be riled up about what our government is doing and about a media that doesn't want to inform.
but there has to be a place where we feel safe.
there has to be a place where you can let the shield down and interact with people you trust.
my reader has made huge progress. but this e-mailer (not my reader) needs to find a safe place. he is hurting himself.
he's not hurting me. he's not hurting ava or c.i.
but he is hurting himself.
in the past, i've told him not to write me. but i'm being sincere here and if he wants to respond in kind, i will keep it private. if he wants to respond with nonsense, i don't have the time.
but he needs to find some 1 to talk about this with because it is hurting him very badly.
wally, another reader, can be angry at the bully boy or whomever. but he can also make time to hang out with friends and to get in touch with something other than anger.
i think we all need to be able to do that.
the administration shoved fear down every 1's throats after 9-11. they tried to make us afraid to fly, afraid to live. 'buy duct tape for your windows!' what was that? nothing but fear.
ava and c.i. wrote a review about csi miami that touched on the issues of fear and how it is sold and pedaled. if you haven't read it, you should.
we need to find a way to step away from the fear.
i'm not saying don't worry about what the administration's plotting. i'm not saying don't be upset about a lazy press. i am saying, this is to all my readers, take time to take care of yourself.
you're of no use to any 1 if you don't.
and if anger is all that is fueling you, you are putting tremendous stress on your heart.
we all need to find a space to unclench in.
when c.i. started talking about the codepink book, i didn't really get it at 1st. but we have lost so much since the bully boy came onto the national stage.
he has preached anger and hate and fear.
we need to be able to refute that. we need to be able to find a way back to our own humanity.
i'm not saying 'wimp out everybody!'
i am saying that if you're anger that you direct at the bully boy or the lazy media or congress is being directed everywhere around you, you are closing yourself off from the world.
you are preventing yourself from making connections with people who are on your side.
c.i., for all the time we've known each other, has never lost the ability to laugh. that's good times, bad times. that's leading up to the surgery even.
i think that's the only thing that has allowed c.i. to give all out, abandon sleep and everything else.
and when you hear c.i. speak, you will hear anger at the bully boy and at a lazy media, but you will also laugh and you will hear laughter from c.i.
when we were discussing the codepink book, c.i. said 'rebecca, we either find a way to return to the humanity we had before the bully boy or we are doomed to be mirror images.'
and i immediately started in on 'i do not wish the bully boy peace!' but that's not what c.i. was talking about. c.i. was talking about responses other than 'blow them to bits.'
and between c.i. and jess and ava, i'm starting to realize how much we've lost.
not just our rights or our ability to dissent, but also our ability to know our options. bully boy has limited the options that our nation will respond with. it is important that we remind every 1 around us that there are other options.
this is something i'm still grasping so i'll ask c.i. to talk about it an entry some time this week and we'll link to it. but hopefully i got enough of the point to express it to you all.
be mad, be angry. there's much to be mad and angry about. don't shove it inside and make yourself sick. express it. but find a way to express other emotions. find a safe place. you're going to hurt yourself if you don't.
