so last night i'm in the middle of sexual olympics and win the gold many times over but, in the process, i miss out on all the drama so many of you caught yesterday.
the post you saw elsewhere has been pulled and and i'll call the person mr. blank because it's not really about 1 person, it's about an attitude that i want to address.
here are the basics. mr. blank co-sets up a new blog on an issue that really means something to him. he's wanting people to help out. though he knows a tracking device is anathema to many, he proceeds to refer them and any 1 else who visits the new site over to 1 with a counter.
then he explodes in a post that's now been deleted.
fuck this and fuck that, throwing out the title of john lennon's 'how do you sleep?' (which kat says he completely misread by the way.) (angry men have been tossing out titles of john lennon a lot this week, haven't they? from all sides.) telling people they are full of shit and on and on and on and on. the way that only a man is really comfortable running on off at the mouth and yelling at people who failed to come to his party.
coz that's what it was. an invitation.
and the invitation was declined.
a good host/ess might trash some 1 in private for failing to show. a good host/ess doesn't leap to the soap box and trash every 1 who failed to party down.
(i didn't party down. i was busy having sex all day yesterday except when posting. truly it was a sexual olympics.)
i read a draft of a response that was passed on to me. i'll quote the part where i'm mentioned:
'and he, as rebecca says, "isn't it always a he?" . . .'
well isn't it?
for all the drag kings like ann coulter, this sort of over the top reaction really is a male thing still.
call it the he thing.
i'm guessing that mr. blank's party either didn't fair to well with other guests or mr. blank is unable to take joy in the fact that some people did show.
but this attitude of i will scream and bellow at people i've courted for not compromising their own beliefs and attending my party is an attitude that goes beyond who's dick is bigger.
mr. blank, we get it. you got a big hairy pair.
now put 'em back in your pants and back the fuck off.
reading that now deleted post (thank you dallas), i was appalled.
this wasn't 'i'm going to try to make a point.' this wasn't 'i'm going to be funny and snide.' this wasn't even 'i'm just going to be bitchy.' this was a full on attack at people who mr. blanks claims to like. if this had happened in my kitchen, i would have grabbed mr. blank's arm, pulled him away from whatever woman he was yelling out while he got red in the face, and told him, 'you need to take a walk.'
there's not an excuse for it.
it was flat about abusive.
i showed it to elaine for her input (due to her medical training) and, no surprise, she'd already seen it. she gave me a 30 minute analysis of it. but what it boils down to, besides control issues and fear of abandonment (among other things) was that nobody is going to have the last word with da big man.
oh hell no. oh fuck no.
i'm truly tired of men who pass themselves off as your friend and then tell you what to do. and if you don't do it, they think they can scream at you.
that's probably why i'm able to remain on good terms with my ex-husband, he never pulled that shit.
elaine didn't attend mr. blank's party. but elaine had already registered her opinions re: the case loudly and clearly. as did many others because the people who were screamed at are resourceful 1s. and if you throw up a road block, they'll find another way to do what needs to be done.
but because it wasn't done via mr. blank's party, it's not good enough. his party, his rules.
you know, al from thinks he can tell us all what to do. and that he can browbeat us and rage at us when we blow him off.
mr. blank did the same thing.
it's the crazy uncle who got drunk at the family picnic and started getting abusive.
no 1 respects that. no 1 wants to be around that.
and i'm damn tired of boys who have to play with their little wenuses thinking they're proving how manly they are when pissed off by pissing on some 1.
the he thing is so destructive because the men involved never want to admit what's it really about which is that because they are such goddamn important men, what they say goes and everybody else better fall the fuck in line.
when i choose my target, as i've noted before, i choose it wisely. i confirm with others that this person who's pushing false notions of democrats is indeed a creep and then i let hurl.
mr. blank chose to tar and feather and entire community not because they didn't care about an issue but because they didn't want to go to a site with counters.
i've heard the arugments from bloggers who write in defending the counters. i've also heard, and maybe the blogger was lying, that thanks to the trackers, not only could he (it's always a he) follow where you came from and where you went after but he also saw an e-mail being composed by someone visiting his site.
so excuse the fuck out of the community is they want to avoid counters and trackers.
third estate sunday review had a good comment that goes something like this: justifying tracking with the comments that corporations do it means that you should now start dumping in the hudson river too.
it's no big deal? then why the fuck doesn't any 1 address it?
while losing my soul to public relations, elaine steered me towards volunteering. i helped out a women's shelter (more than just money) and i didn't need that to open my eyes.
big tough ballsy men who can't leave their own little zone of existence will never know what a woman who's been battered has been through. a visit to your site shouldn't leave them fearful.
ms., years ago, did a story about the warranty cards and how some businesses wouldn't take out ads in ms. ('sex, lies & advertising' by gloria stenimen) because, the business argued, women must not buy their products because they didn't send the cards in.
well women grasp that promises and reality are two different things.
too many of us have gone home with too many loud mouths only to find out that all the action was in their mouth. (and sadly they usually don't do oral -- though of course they expect it to be done to them.)
so a card full of promises that probably won't bear out don't cause women to turn over their personal information.
check with some women outside of 1 of the huge cities, where 2 story apartment complexes are the norm, and ask them 'do you live on the 1st floor or the 2nd floor?' that's a thought that never enters into a big balls brain because they don't usually worry that some 1 is going to break in and rape them.
only a man would demand that you surrender a part of yourself to help them and then turn around and scream at you when you refuse to do so. and to not grasp the power of no is truly a man thing.
women have said no more friday nights than we can count. we realize that we can just lie there and be invaded by some drunken asshole or we can excercise our no.
maybe it wasn't a party we were all invited to? maybe it was an orgy and while pulling out their big hairy balls, certain men were also erect (viagra?) and they had to go home with blue balls because we didn't participate?
like a frustrated teenager who thought he was going to break off a piece, mr. blank needs to realize that he doesn't set the rules. and that we can say no any damn time we want.
these testostroni flashes of rage aren't becoming. and men in the blog world need to realize that no matter how they set themselves up as leaders, we'll decide what we do.
that's women and that's men because thankfully more and more men today realize that no means no.
but drunk, horny and feeling rejected and emasculated, certain men think they can rage and scream and attack and abuse.
it's not appropriate and it's not something that should ever happen again.
