so i turn on the majority report thinking i can laugh with the funny, smart and pretty janeane garofalo but the fates had another plan for me. she's apparently out sick. she's been pretty sick lately and i hope it is just the flu that every 1's getting. i think i was knocked for at least 7 days but it felt so much longer.
so there's sam seder RAH RAH RAH RAH away. can some 1 can get that man on meds? i mean really.
i don't need to hear this shit in that smug voice.
i can tolerate him when janeane's on.
oh this is funny!
go to the blog sometime.
the bloggers love sam seder. (unless he's talking up simon rosenberg and then they hate him.)
what a strange crowd that is.
you got this 1 chick who will always open with something to do with something that happened today, okay?
and from there?
holocaust, holocaust, holocaust. 3 hours straight. sometimes continuing on the post show blog.
and every now and then some 1 will try to cheer her up, 'oh -- it's okay, it'll be okay.' day after day for almost 11 months now holocaust, holocaust, holocaust.
over and over.
this passes for deep thought on the blog, or she thinks it does.
then you get this group of little boys with the tiny weinies who have to say things like 'i bet she's so loose you could drive a mack truck through there.' yeah they are great wits.
on the laura flanders show blog (when it's working) you get people talking about real things. and asking things like 'what can i do' and people are responding to each other with ideas about a petition, a letter, a march, what ever.
that blog is probably the best blog at air america.
(i leave out randi's because her board predates air america and is a bulletin board and not a blog.)
but i do not mean to suggest that the majority report is the worst blog. it's not. there are some really cool people there. sunshine jim and pete moon come to mind. and fish grease though i haven't seen him pop up in a while. but i really do not check that often any more. but those are just 3 and there are a lot more who are intelligent at the majority report.
but they also have a huge number of losers.
so what's the worst blog?
i'd say it's unfiltered and this works in good cause i needed to talk about that from last week any way.
you have some really smart and creative types going there. but you also have idiots who say things like 'mmmm yummy soup.' over and over. or will talk about their cats. you can just picture these ladies (though some may be men) in their caftans with their madras blankets on their lap as they sit at their computers picking cat hairs off their sweaters as they listen to 1 of their own (lizz winstead). and you just know they put the suzanne vega on hold to listen to the show. so for like 3 hours they're waiting to hear the end of 'luka.'
they are people who found npr too 'cutting edge.'
every now and then you'll get some 1 smart or a group of smart people.
and they'll try to get a discussion going but some idiot has to say 'mmmm yummy soup.' and you know that idiot's not getting any and won't unless she finds a way to buy some sort of attachment for her cat!
no brain lizz encourages it by posting pictures of her dog on the blog.
slap a cheap blonde wig (with matted or ratted hair) on edie and i swear it looks just like lizz!
and by the way, on the blog is lizz winstead's photo and name and yet her 'fans' who rush to tell you things like 'a behind the look at liz' spell her name that way. her 'fans' don't even know how to spell her name! (i will point out that c.i. over at the common ills is a fan of lizz and big brain rachel and loves unfiltered the difference is c.i. can spell their names. and c.i. probably doesn't blog there or own a cat!)
but la lizz loves to screech a rant and last week no brain was screaming on air about the need to screen out people on the blog. that would be the blog for the show called (drum roll please) unfiltered!
no brain just doesn't get it.
it's so sad.
at this rate, the only thing that's going to save the show is for rachel to team back up with bill press and let her inner howard stern peak back out again.
she should do that. it was so shocking to see rachel step away from playing mommy to no brain. who knew big brain was a sexual being?
all that talk about her partner susan is so will on will & grace. talk, talk, talk.
but when she was getting down and dirty with bill press talking about the ladies like they were sitting in a locker room, who knew?
they were talking about cartoons today. lizz winstead has to cover all the important issues, natch. so i started thinking about cartoon characters that lizz and big brain could be.
with lizz, rachel's really roo's mommy. can't think of her name. from winnie the pooh. but she's like speedy gonzales when lizz isn't around. (to drag her down.)
but who would lizz be?
i couldn't think of 1.
then it finally hit me, she's the man in the big bird suit on sesame street!
that's so lizz.
so back to janeane. the show sucks with out her.
i hope she gets better. randi's had surgery, mike malloy's had the family thing, it's all pretty sad.
janeane gets sick and i start wondering a) why couldn't it be lizz and b) is there some sort of curse or plan going on here?
seriously, despite the odds, the network's catching on.
i give credit to mark and marc, randi, janeane, mike, laura, steve, kyle, marty and bobby & mike.
those people know how to do radio. now janeane, completely new to radio. but she comes on air and just draws you in.
if there's a voice as annoying as lizz's that would be sam. while lizz screeches, sam whines aggressively.
sam's the guy who's been married 2 years and you're at a party on a saturday night at his house. the hostess, his wife, asks you if you run into the kitchen to grab a bottle of wine. you're at the fridge when he stands behind you.
and he's got 1 eye on the door to make sure his wife doesn't come in and the other eye, the lazy 1, is scanning you up and down.
that's sam.
and the truth is, if you do go to sneak off to the laundry with him, and haven't we all made that mistake at least once?, the first thing you notice is that he's got on tighty-whities and there are skid marks in the seat of them.
ew!
and you're thinking 'i so do not want to do this' but he's come on real aggressive and you're thinking 'oh god just get it over with already' coz you know he's not going to last 2 minutes.
and sure enough he's on you, he's in you and the only surprise you might be getting is if he farts right in the middle. but since guys like that often do, you really aren't that surprised when he does - more irritated at the way he giggles about the fact that he just farted.
and if he thinks he's really smooth, he'll offer his idea of a bon mot about what it would have been like if you'd been going down on him while he farted (usually working in the word 'cheesy').
then at the 1 and a 1/2 minute mark he'll gasp and grunt and maybe holler 'mommy!' after he catches his breath (i swear, after with 1 of those guys, you'd think they'd had an asthma attack)
he'll go back to that smug voice and say something 'heart felt' like 'didn't i tell you i'd rock your world?'
and you're looking at him and thinking for a small guy he is sure is a lot of dead weight on your body. and wondering how this guy who came in less than 2 minutes, who farted in the middle of sex, has skid marks in his briefs and screamed out 'mommy' when he shot his meager load thinks for 1 moment that he's a player.
ladies & gentlemen, that is sam seder.
janeane, get well, we miss you!
