crack and crackatoa

the common ills had an interesting post about dnc chair on saturday, http://thecommonills.blogspot.com/2005/01/opinion-guide-for-picking-through.html, at the bottom of which they did a disclosure on who they knew:

Disclosure: I've encountered the following: Donnie Fowler, Martin Frost, Tim Roemer and Joe Trippi. Fowler is someone that I found knowledgable. Trippi is someone I've defended and will continue to do so but when I feel he's wrong, I say so. I do not believe that I've encountered Simon Rosenberg. A number of you have e-mailed wanting to know the story that my friend swears is true. Here is her version (which I question).At a party, Rosenberg was annoying her (flirting technique based on self-boasts) and he was wearing a cheap suit that badly needing cleaning. (The odor was what she deems "Crackatoa" and, if you think about it, you should be able to deconstruct that term yourself.) According to her, I walked over to tell her something and in the middle of my speaking, Rosenberg interrupted with some inane remark and I glared at him and made a rude comment. (Right away, I say that draws her recollection into question because I'm far more prone to issue a non-stop string of rude comments.) At which point, I turned back to her and asked loudly, "What is that smell?"Then, according to her, Rosenberg huffed off. I question pretty much every point in her story but I've been wrong before. (As has she. And her recollection fits no memory I have. I've tried to figure out who she could be confusing him with but I can't remember any such party.) (The behavior, except for a single rude remark, is perfectly in keeping with any story of me. But I honestly do not believe this incident took place with Rosenberg. Again, I could be wrong.)

"crackatoa"? i know just what the friend was talking about.
i remember a college class where a portly guy (not unlike simon rosenberg) used to sit on the front row. no one wanted to sit behind him.
it smelled like he hadn't bothered to wipe ... that week!
looking at simple simon's photos online (yes, i'll spare you!), he just the type to suffer from crackatoa. he has that look about him that says "my butt crack stinks."
i don't know how a guy can not notice.
is he going around sniffing and saying, "gee, something around here smells bad?"
i mean with that kind of smell, you'd think he'd know it was him.
i love the splash commercials with the half naked men playing basketball or strumming a guitar (bod for men?) but if the grooming industry wanted to make a product that's really needed they could make a male hygene spray for the butt crack.
of course if guys suffering from crackatoa would bother to wipe good, it wouldn't be needed.
a butt on a sexy guy is hot.
and i'm sure michael phelps (don't drool too much, rumor is he's a republican and tried to date one of the bush twins -- hope it was the mousy 1 and not the other 1 who looks like mare winingham's ugly sister) has a crack that smells lovely. all that time in the chlorine has to pay off.
and michael, even if you are a republican, i'll still drool over you. i might not if i didn't feel sorry for you about the probation. of course i'd drool more of you if you looked a little more like a man. i've never been overly fond of fucking guys who shaved off more hair than i did and it looks like you try to make a clean sweep of everything.
i know it's the 'in thing' to do. (don't give me that it's just sports. i've searched for hours for photos and ended up enlisting the common ills, begging "help me find some ass photos of michael phelps if you're online! i've got a post i want to do but i must have butt photos!" after looking through all those in season and off season photos, it's obvious the boy spends more time with the epi-lady than i do.) but just because it's the 'in thing' doesn't make it the right thing.
some guys look good with a hairy chest, some guys don't. but when i'm looking at bare arm pits, it freaks me out. and the 1 time i went out with a guy who shaved off all his pubes (not trimmed, not shaved some, shaved it all off) it freaked me out long before he asked me if i would diaper him.
i don't sleep with guys who look like they've yet to hit puberty.
and as most of my girlfriends admit, it can be fun to play with guys' hairs.
you stroke it or twist it.
so phelps i will applaud your body and those nice and juicy nipples. i will applaud your decision to make the butt crack the new cleavage. i will even drool over you despite the fact that you may be a republican. (you're 19, you could still grow out of it.) but sport a little hair in the off season.
markus rogan does. that is one hot stud. yes, he shaves it down when it's swim meet time. but otherwise, he's au natural and who wouldn't want to stroke that sexy chest with those little hairs? ladies, am i wrong? gay men, am i wrong? bisexual and bicurious people, am i wrong?
i got 3 e-mails today from self-identifying straight men who tell me they come to this site because they like my "smutty mouth" and enjoy hearing what women really think.
i am not all women. but i can tell you 3 that if you're mowing the grass, that might be fine. if you're doing a little "manscaping" (as my friend sharon calls it) that's fine too as long as you don't take it too far. but if you've killed all the weeds, gentlemen, we don't like that.
as women, we've been shaving our legs for years and it's not fun. we've done our own womenscaping "down there." we've shaved our armpits and dealt with the irritation when it starts to grow out.
it's a pain in the ass.
you think we're wanting to bed down with a guy who looks like he's done even more work than we have?
elaine slept with a guy for 3 weeks before she broke up with him. he shaved his legs and chest and his pubes. (the fact that he at least had pit hair gave her reason for hope.) she kept thinking, "in another day or two, it will grow in a little." it didn't.
how is she supposed to compete with that?
when you guys finally do something, you do it all out.
and here we are hoping we can grab time after work and before a date to do some touch ups but there you are doing it as religiously as you shave your faces. it's just too much pressure.
i can take almost anything but shaved arm pits.
i think it's because i always used to cut myself everytime i would shave mine. (no, i haven't decided to sprout chia pets under each arm. i went ahead and had them taken care of permanently.) but knowing what a pain is the ass it used to be when i had to shave, i just do not enjoy being with a guy without pit hair.
and they always bring it up. they'll raise one arm above their head and take a hand to their exposed arm pit while saying "smooth."
uh, fellows, when you're half-naked on the way to full or when you're already naked, what's going on there? i mean are you so used to lonely nights that you forget there's a woman in the room and start playing with yourself?
it's like, "hey, there, big boy, remember me? i'm the one you were going to have sex with? you don't have to play with yourself tonight."
shaving my arm pits was a real bitch. and the idea that some guy is shaving his and apparently enjoying it enough to brag about it just turns me off.
markus rogan wears his pants low enough to sport butt crack but sadly i couldn't find any photos of him from behind. if any 1 has any, please send them my way.
above this post you'll find 2 photos of him. 1 from the olympics where he's shaved his chest. the other from before the olympics where he didn't. i can understand needing to cut down speed for the olympics but markus is smart enough to sport his manliness during the off seaons. michael might want to think about that.
simon rosenberg might want to make sure he doesn't have crackatoa.
but i'll wind up this post by saying thank you to my new best friend sherry who not only provided me with a new photo of my dream castaway john turek, she also shared some fantasies she has about him. fortunately turek's corn husk is big enough for the both of us. the rest of you, back off! and simon, i'm serious, check that crack. a chubby guy like yourself who is balding can't really take a third strike at this point.